


One try

by Nenya4



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Depressing, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Shot, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Thoughts, alternative universe, im cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:35:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22631155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nenya4/pseuds/Nenya4
Summary: Vanitas can't do this anymore, it has to stop.
Relationships: Vanitas & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 8





	One try

One try

How much they tried to convince him didn’t matter. He had heard it a hundred times before. “It can get better”, “but think about what you’d want to do in the future, don’t you want to anymore?” and we can’t forget the infamous “think about your family and friends”. It was the same shit every time with the only difference being how they worded it, so that it looked as if they actually cared about him. You could easily see that his friends couldn’t really come up with anything else to say but Vanitas didn’t care. He turned down every single suggestion that came his way.

Vanitas’ room hadn’t been cleaned in days, and he wouldn’t do it now either. It had been winter and you couldn’t go outside without feeling the cold making your whole body go numb in just a couple of minutes. Many would’ve went to sleep by now, the clock was soon to be twelve and next day was a normal monday. But Van wouldn’t. Van had only one goal that he’d postponed for so long that it had to stop. He had to stop being so scared and go through with it.

It didn’t matter if anyone came up with an idea for him to stop, in those moments you are unable to think about anything that isn’t the present. Even just trying to think about the future craved so much energy, and Van didn’t have that anymore. Everything really was just too much.

To have hope of “better times”, was one of the funniest jokes Vanitas had got to hear during his life. He had stopped hoping after 10 years, when nothing had changed except that he now wouldn’t get any thoughts about continuing on and then suffer because of the result. To continue to feel worse and worse every day that passed. And to continue and bother others with his episodes that happened when he accidentally was open about his feelings. These weren’t any valid reason to continue.

It’s not healthy to hear such, uncomfortable thoughts and opinions Vanitas had of himself. He never tried to get everyone feeling bad on purpose of course. If he’d to be honest, he’d wished to never have met anyone of his friends in the first place. The decision he had to take, would never have been stopped in the end if he didn’t have anyone caring for him. Only then would you truly have nothing left.

Ventus was always there for Van whenever he got into his depressive episodes. Van had sworn to tell Ventus when he was about to leave, in order to not leave him in the dust when he actually disappears. His best friend always tried to stop him, to make him feel better and it worked for a while. For many years to be exact, but Vanitas noticed himself how much it started to take a toll on Ventus’ mental health and how he started to feel bad too. That was one of the reasons why Vanitas knew he had to stop.

His friends used to say “but I want you to talk with us when you feel like that, we’re here for you and want to help”, but that was a big lie. Everyone probably cared about him and meant no harm yes, but imagine you noticing how your friend feels really bad. Your friend talks about how they feel to you and some other friends too, and you all try to get them on better thoughts. But everything you try to say falls on deaf ears. They try and counterargue whatever you’re saying and can even get annoyed that you’re trying to tell them to have hope things will get better in the future. Doesn’t your friend sound like an ass when they go around and complains about how they feel bad but at the same time refuses all help they get, and gets angry in the end?

Van would never have someone like that as their friend, and if they did they’d cut off such a toxic person from their life in an instant. It would’ve been too much for him and would’ve destroyed him mentally too if he always had to try and stop them.

So why didn’t Vans’ friends do that to him? Why did they go around and try to get him feeling better every time he felt depressed, despite knowing that talking to him was useless anyway? Nothing and no one could help him, nothing had become better during the days when he’d went to a psychologist and actually tried to get better. Couldn’t his friends just, throw him out of their lives like everyone else had done, or should he’d done something himself to make them hate him? Hate him so much so that nothing could stop him anymore. The last thing Van wanted was to hurt them, that’s why he could only wish that they would slowly start to drift away from him. That they would notice every bad thing he’d done and go against him behind his back and talk shit about him. Just the thought of that made Van want to throw up, but that was nothing compared to the pain he found himself in daily.

Things had gone too far, the time was up. The calender Van had in his room had no more days after the 2/2, he had ripped them out long ago. He decided to look at his sms one last time. Maybe he did so to have people find him when it was over. He refused to believe that there still was something inside of him that didn’t want things to turn out this way, just like it had been every other time.

Ventus, of course would it have been Ventus that had tried to contact him first. Vanitas opened his phone and went into his contacts.

—————

1/2-20

_ 14 missed calls from:  _ **_Ventus_ **

  
  


23:58 

**Ventus** : Please call me Vanitas whenever you can

00:04

**Vanitas** : there is nothing to talk about ven, you should know this by now

**Ventus** : I’m not going to stand here and watch while you’re trying to disappear right before my eyes

I’m sorry that I can’t change how you feel, despite wanting to so badly

**Vanitas** : its not your fault i feel this way

just let me be ventus

**Ventus** : That would hurt me too much, I can’t just let you be

**Vanitas** : ventus, i dont care anymore

i have no reason to continue when i feel like i cant even handle one more fucking day

this is the only way to stop getting worse

**Ventus** : I don’t know what else to say that I haven’t already said so many times before

I don’t want you to go Van

**Vanitas** : its ok ven

im okay with this

**Ventus** : But I’m not okay, take care of yourself Vanitas

**Vanitas** : you know that i wont

i gotta go now ven

**Ventus** : Please don’t do anything dangerous

I love you

  
  


_ Read by Vanitas _

00:24

_ ———— _

2/2-20

_ 1 missed call from:  _ **_Ventus_ **

00:53

**Ventus** : Van, let’s talk after school together

_ 3 missed calls from:  _ **_Ventus_ **

02:11

**Ventus** : There’s nothing else I want than to help you feel better

I care so much about you Vanitas, please answer me

_ 2 missed calls from:  _ **_Ventus_ **

05:31

**Ventus** : We’ll see eachother in school Vanitas, won’t you call me when you’ve woken up?

—————

Everything did become better in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> GOD I TRANSLATED THIS INTO ENGLISH AND i hope you enjoy my angst i wrote at 1 am during like half an hour oops


End file.
